Brigham's Birth Story

Brigham Taylor Law, born June 12th, 2011 at 12:52 am. He weighed 7 pounds 11 oz and was 21 inches long!

I went in for an induction at 1 pm and waited because things got crazy in l&d (emergency c section for a 25 week old!!) so finally they started the pitocin at 5 pm, and they checked me after a few hours and I was still at 3 cm 50% effaced (which I'd been for over 2 weeks) but I started having some really painful back labor and and decided to get the epidural around 8:30 pml!! Soon after that they broke my water and right away I was 4 cm and 80% effaced! They were suspecting that he was face up but couldn't tell for sure. They also started to get worried because every time I had a contraction the baby's heart rate would dip, they checked me around 10:45 pm and I was at 7 cm and they decided to watch for 15 minutes to see if his heartrate kept dipping. After 20 minutes I started feeling a lot of pressure with each contraction and they checked me again and I was at 9 cm!! He was definitely face up and they talked about using the vacuum to get him out. I tried pushing a few times and the baby was dropping really low but his heart rate was still dipping so they decided to put water back in to try to relieve the pressure of wherever the cord was caught and they also stopped the pitocin, yhis was all at midnight, so he was going to born on the 12^th! They decided to wait for about 20 minutes to see what would happen. My contractions got a lot weaker, but the baby's heartrate stopped dipping with each one! So 20 minutes later they checked and he was very low so they hooked the pitocin back up and the contractions got really painful with a lot of pressure and I had to push so at 12:30 am they let me start pushing and they were thinking that if I could get him low enough then they could get him out with the vacuum but I pushed a few times. I definitely got him low enough and they decided to let me push to see if I could get him out without help. I started feeling like I had to just constantly push not just with the contractions because of how much pain and pressure there was from his head being down so far. So I pushed a few more times and I finally got him out at 12:52 am and I was SO relieved to finally have my sweet baby boy out!! My long and difficult pregnancy was over and it was so worth it! They cleaned him up which felt like it took forever because I didn't get to hold him yet! The placenta finally came out and they showed me the place where the twin that I'd lost at 11 weeks was reabsorbed, they sent it off to pathology to see if they could get enough from it to test if it really was triploidy and partial molar, and I am hoping also to find out it's gender but I don't think that they will have enough to do the testing because it was so long ago that I lost it. Finally they had cleaned my baby up and weighed/measured him, they put him in my arms and he was SO tiny and so perfect! His head was in the 15th percentile and I am SO very grateful because I don't think I could've gotten him out by myself if it was any bigger. I felt way more this time around even though I got an epidural both times, I assume it is because he was face up so there was a lot more pressure! I am so glad that pregnancy is over and I am so grateful to have my little Brigham!!

Feeling Blue

I have been getting more and more depressed these days. I feel like this pregnancy will never end. In a way I can see myself slipping into despair and hopelessness, but I feel like I have no control over my brain sometimes. I don't know if it's all of the extra hormones or just my inability to do anything for months. I'm starting to feel like nothing matters and I've been hoping that I could just curl up in a ball and sleep for the rest of my pregnancy, but with an 18 month old that is not a possibility. Still no one understands and it is hard for me not to feel that they also don't care. The people that do ask me how I am are just looking for the "I'm good how are you" and when I start telling them how I really am they get bored after a few seconds and end the conversation. I don't want to complain all the time and I don't want to be a downer, but for some reason I desperately have the need for others to know what a difficult time I am going through. I guess misery really does love company... but maybe if I had more company I wouldn't be quite so miserable. My mind is just in a dark place right now. I feel so alone, it isn't so bad once Mikey gets home from work, but he is gone before we get up and doesn't get home for another 10-11 hours. Livvy and I are just isolated here in our house, no way to get anywhere, I feel too tired at 6 in the morning to drive 40 minutes to drop Mikey off then the 40 minutes home. In reality I know I don't have the energy or will power to go anywhere by myself with Olivia or to even get dresses and ready to be out of the house. I hate thinking like this and feeling like this. I know things aren't that bad, yet my brain is full of sad and angry thoughts and I feel like giving up. 23 1/2 weeks, 16 1/2 to go. I know I have to make it until then but at times it seems impossible. I feel like such a terrible mother, doing the bare minimum for little Olivia and not being able to take care of myself for my unborn little boy. I know I will make it through, but I also know the next few months will be hard to endure. I need to just keep breathing and eventually weeks will pass and the time will come. I just pray it will come quickly and stop dragging on and on and on.

Livvy

A little about Olivia!

My little girl is such a little sweetheart!! She is a major daddy's girl lately! She is learning so many new things, she knows her nose ,ears, tummy, eyes, mouth and hair. She thinks that she has a baby in her tummy too hehe she always wants to see my tummy and she pats it and says baby and she gives little brother kisses and she thinks it is really funny to pinch my belly button cuz it is popped out! She knows what a cow says and she just learned what a dog says last week and she LOVES kittys!! Every time we see a cat or a small dog or a picture of a cat she says KITTY!!! It is SO stinkin cute! She is learning how to say more things and so far she says thank you, peek a boo, kitty, and here you go and a lot of other things I can't understand yet. I am trying to get her to say I love you and amen. She is growing up so fast, she is such a big girl and it makes me so sad that she isn't my little baby anymore but it is so much fun to see her grow up into her own little personality! She went to nursery for the first time yesterday!! She didn't cry at all, she was just a little cautious the whole time :) but I peeked in there and she was sitting at the tiny table in a tiny little chair with a snack and a cup of water, it was SO cute and I was so proud of her! It's been a rough couple of months but Livvy definitely makes me so happy and I am so grateful to have her to make me happy and my heart just bursts with love for her everyday!! I can't imagine having a little boy because I just LOVE having a little girl but I'm sure it will be JUST as great! :)

My story

These past few months have been the hardest that I've had to endure in my life! I found out that I was pregnant in October and started getting extremely ill just like I was with Livvy. Then it got worse and worse and I got to the point where I could hardly get up but I somehow found the strength to feed Livvy while Mikey was at work and that was all I could do. I tried to eat but would throw up up to 10 times a day. This went on for about 3 weeks and I had to go to the hospital 3 times to get hydrated. I lost about 15 pounds, at my lowest point weighing 98 pounds, I felt like I wasn't going to make it through that. During all of this I was taking zofran but it can't help unless you can keep it down, my ob just told me to try to sip ginger ale and nibble crackers and they just didn't understand that I couldn't. When I am pregnant I have a condition that .5 to 1 percent of pregnant women get called Hyperemesis Gravidarum and it is very hard to deal with especially because no one really understands what it is like to be that sick and other women think they understand because they threw up a few times and were really nauseous during pregnancy, it is very depressing and I felt very alone. We decided that Livvy and I would go and stay in Arizona with my family while I was so sick. That was the best decision because my mom, dad, and brothers and sisters helped take care of Livvy and I mostly just slept all day and my mom would make me food and eventually I started being able to eat again. I was only throwing up 3-5 times a day but suffering from extreme headaches, a side effect of the zofran I was dependent on to keep food down. I lost all of my strength because my body was just eating away at itself the whole time so it was very difficult for me to do anything even walk up the stairs. Right before going to AZ we found out that we were pregnant with twins but my first appointment while in AZ I found out that I lost one of them which was devastating. I found out that the baby that died had triploidy, meaning it had an extra set of chromosomes and would not have been able to survive, the scary news was that the placenta was cystic but thankfully the twins had separate placenta's and the healthy baby's placenta was normal! The doctor told me all of the scary risks of keeping the bad placenta inside of me but they really didn't know what was going to happen because this is a very rare occurrence. They said all we can do is wait and see what happens. I've gradually been getting better and now I've been gaining weight instead of losing weight so that is good! I've still been throwing up everyday, usually just once a day, but I really can't wait for the day when I stop throwing up for good! I still have very little energy and my Hcg hormone levels are triple what they should be and my brain always feels foggy and I always feel exhausted. I've been back home for about a month and a half and it has been very difficult trying to live my normal life and get the things done that I am supposed to. I try to just focus the energy I have in taking care of Livvy and keeping her healthy and happy and doing my best to take care of myself. My husband has been there for me thankfully. He has been very good at taking over dishes, laundry, vacuuming, putting Livvy to bed, and whatever else we might need. If it wasn't for the help of my family, my loving husband, and the strength from my savior I know I would never had the strength to make it through. It is still hard to get through the day, especially while Mikey is at work but we are making it and I am so grateful that I am a lot better than before. The best news is that my little baby BOY is doing good and at my last appointment they told me that there are not as many cysts in the placenta of the baby that died so that is good that they are going away and not growing! I am 22 weeks pregnant now so just a little over half way there! It has been a very long and difficult journey but in a few months we will have a precious addition to our family and we are very excited! I never imagined that being pregnant would be like this for me but that is my story!